its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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