god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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