If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize