I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
