I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My vagina is very pro this idea
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
