She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
