i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
