i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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