Buhtt sex?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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