so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
