Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have post one night stand depression
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