we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
