you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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