I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
