does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
