i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
