By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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