I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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