'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
