He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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