If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
