so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
