well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
