i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
