Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
