I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
sex in a hospital.. check
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
