I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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