That's intense
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
