Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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