Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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