I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
