so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize