last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
