sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
