I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize