Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
