my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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