the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
