So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize