I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
