I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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