I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
