Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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