Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
