we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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