he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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