Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
