Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
