Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
