i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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