Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
