Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She told me I should be a condom model.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
