last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
