is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
