just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize