I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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