there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
