it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
