I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
