She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Found your dick twin last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
