Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dignity is for republicans.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
