imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
