STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
