I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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