Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
